🚨🚗💥 HOLD UP! 🚥 THIS JUST IN: Uber’s safety is like that one kid in class who says, “I promise, I won’t cheat” while copying your homework 👀. According to new leaks (yeah, like a busted water pipe at grandma's house), Uber received a staggering **400,000 reports of sexual misconduct** from 2017 to 2022! That's roughly one every 8 MINUTES! 🤯💀 But wait, there’s more! Uber only admitted to **12,522 serious sexual assaults**. Like, my dude, I would expect that same level of transparency from my ex when I ask why they ghosted me! 😬🖤 Uber’s US head of safety, Hanna Nilles, drops gems like “no tolerable level of sexual assault” 🔥💔—you ain’t kidding, girl! But she also tells us that 75% of the reports were “less serious”... 💸 like 🧐 comments on someone’s *ahem* appearance? Bro, that's a “this is fine” meme waiting to happen. In the latest company meeting, an undercover leaker whispered, “We’re just like a dating app... but with more drama and fewer safety features.” 🥴 Prediction time: With 400k reports, I’m betting the next diversity meeting is gonna be a wild ride! Buckle up, fam, because Uber’s safety feature is *about to become the meme of the year*! 🚀🤴💵 #NotMyUber #SafetyFirstOrElse