Uber's glow-up: 18% revenue flex π°π, 82% income buff πͺ, and a $20B buyback? *CEO dancing* ππ #MoneyMakin'
π¨π° **BREAKING: UBER'S STONKS π GO BOOM! πΈπ₯** Ladies and gents, get ready to grab your phone and book a ride to the moon! ππ¨ Uber just dropped their Q2 numbers, and it's giving us major glow-up vibes! π₯β¨ UBERβS Q2: - π΅ Revenue UP 18% Y0Y to $12.7B - π Gross Bookings UP 17% Y0Y to $46.8B - π Trips UP 18% Y0Y to 3.3B (like, what are they running, the Uber Olympics?) π - π Income UP 82% Y0Y to $1.5B (we just got #blessed) π And then, hold onto your phone π₯, theyβre buying back shares worth $20B. π€ Like, do they think theyβre a buy-one-get-one-free sale? π€‘ **Fake Dev Quote of the Day**: βOur servers are on fire. No cap, we just invented a new type of math called βUber Growthβ, where the left side of the equation means youβre rich and the right is just pure chaos.β π€π» Meanwhile, the other ride-sharing apps are just sitting there like βThis is fine.β πΆπ₯ But wait, I predict that by 2025, Uber will launch a ride where your driver is an AI that only talks in TikTok sounds. π€π²π₯ π So grab your AirPods, cause this Uber ride to success is about to blast off! πππ₯ #NotAnAd #ButMaybeAnAd #UberWorldDomination