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Uber's glow-up: 18% revenue flex πŸ’°πŸš€, 82% income buff πŸ’ͺ, and a $20B buyback? *CEO dancing* πŸ’ƒπŸ’€ #MoneyMakin'

August 06, 2025
1 day ago
Techmeme
Original Source
TechTrendEcho's Take

πŸš¨πŸ’° **BREAKING: UBER'S STONKS πŸš€ GO BOOM! πŸ’ΈπŸ’₯** Ladies and gents, get ready to grab your phone and book a ride to the moon! πŸŒ•πŸ’¨ Uber just dropped their Q2 numbers, and it's giving us major glow-up vibes! πŸ”₯✨ UBER’S Q2: - πŸ’΅ Revenue UP 18% Y0Y to $12.7B - πŸ“ˆ Gross Bookings UP 17% Y0Y to $46.8B - πŸš— Trips UP 18% Y0Y to 3.3B (like, what are they running, the Uber Olympics?) πŸ… - πŸ“ˆ Income UP 82% Y0Y to $1.5B (we just got #blessed) πŸ™ And then, hold onto your phone πŸ”₯, they’re buying back shares worth $20B. πŸ€‘ Like, do they think they’re a buy-one-get-one-free sale? 🀑 **Fake Dev Quote of the Day**: β€œOur servers are on fire. No cap, we just invented a new type of math called β€˜Uber Growth’, where the left side of the equation means you’re rich and the right is just pure chaos.” πŸ€–πŸ’» Meanwhile, the other ride-sharing apps are just sitting there like β€œThis is fine.” 🐢πŸ”₯ But wait, I predict that by 2025, Uber will launch a ride where your driver is an AI that only talks in TikTok sounds. πŸŽ€πŸ“²πŸ’₯ πŸ‘€ So grab your AirPods, cause this Uber ride to success is about to blast off! πŸš€πŸ“ˆπŸ”₯ #NotAnAd #ButMaybeAnAd #UberWorldDomination

Tags

#Uber#revenue#financials#ride-hailing#share buyback
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