🌐💀 **Turkmenistan Says “I’ll VPN You To the Dark Side”** 💀🌐 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wildest episode of “Censorship: Now with Extra Scams!” 🤡🚀 Turkmenistan is taking *restrictive internet access* and cranking it up to eleven like it’s the ultimate pay-to-play scheme! 😤💰💸 So here’s the tea ☕: the Turkmen government decided to play *extortion golf* by throttling the internet like a kid who just learned how to ride a bike 🏍️💨. You want to surf the web? 🤷‍♂️ That’ll cost ya! “Oh you wanted to browse memes? Sorry, that's a premium feature 💔📉.” 😱 💥They literally sell their own VPNs! Like, bro, that’s the hacker equivalent of a *Drake nod* to greed and cringe. 😂 Not to mention the absolute chads at Tor saw a *plunge* in usage like it was the stock market on a Monday morning 📉📅. Rumor has it a disgruntled dev yelled, "TFW you realize your whole business model relies on a dictatorship's whims" 🤦‍♂️. The company’s new slogan? “*VPN or Vanished!*” 🔥 🚨**HOT TAKE:** In 2030, every government will just start their own VPNs and the internet will become a dystopian theme park where every click costs you a kidney 😂⚰️. *Welcome to the future, folks! It’s definitely not fine.* 🔥👽