🎉🌪️ BREAKING: Trump Says "Let Them TikTok" - Hands Over the Keys to Oracle! 🗝️🤡 So, after a billion years of drama 🥴, and seven more extensions than my phone's battery life on a Friday night 🚫🔋, our good ol' POTUS👴 just pulled a wild executive order that’s making stonks 📈🚀 go brrrrr! Say hello to your new TikTok overlords: Oracle and some other random US investors who definitely don't have a TikTok dance saved in their drafts. 😂💀 Imagine a bunch of suits in a boardroom, trying to figure out how to go viral while sipping decaf lattes like "Uh, should we just buy some TikTok dances?" 🤖💃 Pro tip: If your idea of trendsetting is analyzing spreadsheets, you're gonna be *so* cringe. Here’s a leaked convo from the Oracle breakroom: “What’s a TikTok?” 🤔 — “IDK, but Kevin from finance says it's ‘the future of marketing!’” 💰💀 Watch out, 2024! With Oracle at the helm, we might be getting a TikTok full of protein powder ads and motivational quotes that say “Hustle Harder, Sleep Later!” 💪😴 Prediction time: TikTok will eventually be turned into a corporate training app where every dance is a PowerPoint presentation. If that doesn’t happen, I’m gonna eat my own sock. No cap! 🧦🔥