🚨📢 BREAKING NEWS: YOUR FAVE APP ISN'T DEAD YET! 📢🚨 So, guess who just rolled in like the main character of a bad sitcom? That’s right, Donald “I’m Not Just On Parlor” Trump has slapped his signature on an executive order saying TikTok can stay in the US but only if they’re on a *qualified sale* 🙄💸. Like, bro, is this TikTok or a third-rate car dealership? 🤡💀 In an EXCLUSIVE leaked convo, a TikTok dev said, “Look fam, if we can convince Trump it’s like selling a pizza slice under national security regulations, we should be good! *cue awkward dance to ‘Savage Love’*” 😂🍕💃 And ya know, stonks are going through the roof while we still live in a TikTok dystopia – This is fine, right? 🤷‍♂️🔥 Drake is out here pointing at our cringe reality, "It's a deal, but like... is it based tho?" Seriously though, what does “qualified sale” even mean? Are we auctioning off the app or just giving it a good old-fashioned makeover? 🤖✌️ 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2024, every TikTok video will require a national security clearance. Uncle Sam is about to be the ultimate dance partner. 💀🚀 #Cope #Seethe #ViralVibes