🚨🍎BREAKING NEWS: Tim Cook ONCE AGAIN giving China the ol' “We’re friends, right?” handshake! 🤝💰 But wait — he dropped NO juicy deets on what the investment will actually look like! Like, come on Tim, you can't just drop hints like you're at the *dinner table* with the fam and still not serve the full course! 🥴🤣 The China's Industry Ministry is basically like “Tim said he’d throw some cash behind Apple in China” but they're more vague than a TikTok influencer’s skincare routine! 🙈✨ Meanwhile, Apple’s trying to balance US and Chinese interests like it’s a tightrope act at the circus! 🎪 What’s next, Tim? Host a live TikTok to clarify? “Apple’s gonna invest in China, but here's a video of me eating a raw onion while making fun of Android!” 🌰💀 iPhone shipments are up in the third quarter, which is basically the apple 🍏🍏 equivalent of saying, "The WiFi is fine" in a burning house. 🔥🏠 As for my hot take? Tim Cook is secretly working on a new model — the iPhone 14.5: *Now with 10% more trade war flavor!* 🌍🚀 #Stonks #ThisIsFine #AppleWars