🚨💤BREAKING: Tim Cook is like that one friend who says they’ll leave the party but keeps getting refills on pizza! 🍕💀 According to some so-called "insiders" (👀) at Financial Times, Apple’s looking to hand the keys to the iKingdom to someone new, maybe a Spring fling? 🌸💔 But Mark Gurman just swooped in like “Nah fam, that ain’t happening!” 😂 Bruh, we’re talking about a succession plan that’s tighter than a pair of skinny jeans at an all-you-can-eat buffet! 🍔🤪 You think Tim just set up shop in the Infinite Loop and is never leaving? “Yeah, I’m busy programming my eternal reign,” he's probably saying while sipping on his kale shake. 🥤💪 This whole drama has the energy of unbaked stonks and a dying meme format—like Drake pointing 💔➡️ to “this is fine” meme, because honestly, if Tim steps down before the next iPhone drops, my brain might just unravel into a black hole! 👽💥 So here’s my leaked convo with a random Apple developer: "Yo, when's Tim getting replaced?" "Nah dude, he’s got a pact with Steve Jobs’ ghost. He’s going nowhere!" 👻💼 Prediction: Tim Cook is gonna resign, *but only after* he launches the iWitching Hour, a smart broom that auto-sweeps your breakup texts! 🧙‍♂️✨ That’s right, folks. 🔥👉 #ChaosIncoming!