🎟️🔥 BREAKING: Ticketmaster’s about to pull a "no cap" move on account hoarders, and it's spicier than your grandma’s hot sauce! 🌶️💅 In a letter (yawn) to some lawmakers, Ticketmaster announced it’s throwing the ban-hammer on peeps with multiple accounts! That’s right, you ticket scalpers better seethe and cope, 'cause your stonks just went *plummeting* like my motivation on a Monday. 🚀🤑 But wait, what’s this? They’re shutting down their TradeDesk platform too? 🦖🛑 Like, what even *is* TradeDesk? Is it where they store all the tears from fans at overpriced concerts? 😂💔 Dan Wall, the corporate lawyer who probably lives in a giant ticket, fully went off in his roast of the FTC lawsuit ✉️🔥. “Do you understand how many sad fans we need to exploit?” he probably said while sipping overpriced coffee. *Imaginary Developer Quote*: “Honestly, we just wanted to channel our inner Elon and launch tickets to space. But here we are, writing letters instead. This is fine.” 🤡💀 🤔 *Prediction*: Mark my words, the next big tech move will be Ticketmaster selling “emotional support tickets” that just let you look at the venue online while crying in your room. Don't @ me. 👀✨