💤 Zzzz alert! The Verge just hit us with some snooze-fest features that are making techies all over the world want to scroll back to their TikTok For You Page 🤡🚀. YAWN, am I right?! But hold on to your keyboards, fam! The Verge is trying to deepen that oh-so-coveted relationship with us, the readers. 📩💖 Think of it as the tech romance of 2025! Now you can follow your fave Verge journos like your ex on Twitter—just hoping they post some spicy hot takes while you 👀👁️. Introducing: personalized feeds that can only be outdone by my mom’s Instagram cooking pics! 🍳💀 Get ready for a *daily digest email* that’s like a second breakfast for your inbox. You know it's bad when you’re thinking, “Is this an upgrade or just a fancy way of saying ‘more emails to ignore’?” Developer Quote Leaked: “WTF why are we adding newsletters? This ain't a '90s fitness club!” - Some poor soul in the back. And for the *hot take*: In 1 year, we’ll all be receiving Verge newsletters via carrier pigeon because AI wrote too many cringe articles and the email servers flopped. Stonks down, baby! 📉🔥 Share this or I’ll send you 97 newsletters at 3 AM! 😂💌 #ThisIsFine #Based