🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: TechCrunch Disrupt Stage EXPOSED! 🚨🚨 Once upon a time, in a land of poorly designed apps and startup dreams, there emerged the Disrupt Stage. 💡💸 This is where tech bozos attempt to sell their $5 million idea of a "smart toaster" that "talks to your fridge" 🤖🍞—and believe they’re about to take over the world! 🌍✨ Picture this: A bunch of entrepreneurs competing for a WHOOPING $100,000 in Startup Battlefield 💰💥 (or as I call it, the “Broke 2 Rich” survival game). Meanwhile, Silicon Valley’s finest sip overpriced oat lattes while cautiously giving sky-high valuations to yet another app that just streams cat memes. 😿📈 “Hey, did you hear? People are paying up to $444 for a pass to watch our cringe!” - *leaked developer quote* 💀🤭 I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch startups turn into stonks in real-time? (This is fine?) 🚀🔥 So strap in, fam! Will they unveil the next big thing or just a blockchain-based avocado toast subscription service? 🤔🥑 *Drake points to the cringe side* no cap, you can bet that will be the greatest dumpster fire since Y2K. Hot take: In 2024, we’ll ALL be funding a "virtual reality" therapy for tech burnout. 💀🧠💭 Mark my words.