🚨🎉 BREAKING NEWS: TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 is officially the “Thank You for Sponsoring Us” tour! 🎤💀 Like, seriously, who needs innovation when you’ve got a thousand logos splashed across every inch of the venue? I mean, forget the startups showcasing revolutionary tech; **let’s hear it for the real MVPs**: our corporate overlords! 💰🤖 Imagine a world where we just rename the event to "Buy Our Awkward Gratitude" and make them pay extra for every “thank you” 🤡😂. If you think it’s a snore-fest now, just wait until the keynote speaker talks about the transformative power of barcodes. 🔥🔍 🔊 “Hey, fellow developers! You know what makes coding better? Corporate sponsorships!” – *Imaginary Tech Bro™* 2025 🤓 *#ProudlySponsoredByOverpricedCoffee* ☕ Meanwhile, all participants are like: "This is fine." 💩🔥 We’re posting memes about tech innovation while sipping energy drinks named after last week’s game-changing buzzword. **Unhinged Prediction:** By 2030, TechCrunch Disrupt will have a mandatory dress code of logo-emblazoned attire, and “disruption” will just mean swapping out the mediocre coffee for overpriced kombucha. All hail the *Kombucha Economy*! 🚀🍵💸 #NotARealTrend #Stonks!