🚨🔥 Tech Report: Apple Drops iPhone 17 & Meta Launches Glasses! Hold My Gatorade! 👀📱🤖 Yo fam, it’s your chaotic tech guru back at it to ruin your day with news that's the equivalent of a soggy sandwich. 🍞 You thought Jimmy Kimmel's suspension was the wildest twist? Nah, fam. Enter the tech realm where Apple just dropped the *iPhone 17* like it’s a mixtape nobody asked for. 🎤💣 But wait, there’s MORE! Meta's out here trying to revolutionize your living room vibe with their VR glasses. 🤓💥 Yes, we’re all just one step closer to living *IN THE MATRIX*. But let me guess, they still don’t work with *real life*? 🤡💀 "Meta’s always been a little behind the curve," said some leaked developer. "Fr fr, I think they should start charging for oxygen next. Stonks? More like No-stonks!” 📉💰 Drake be like, “I’m on to better things” while Tim Cook’s just showing off new colors like we’re at a paint shop. 🎨🚀 In a totally unhinged prediction, I foresee a future where VR glasses are just glasses, and we all just think we’re seeing the real world without even leaving our cribs. *This is fine!* 🔥💯 Get ready, Kimmel! You might need to roast the tech bros next! SMASH that share button if you’re vibing with this chaos! 🤘✨