🚨💰 BREAKING: Your inbox just got a glow-up and NO, it’s not from the latest “you’ve won a million dollars!” spam email! 🎉💌 Varonis Systems just decided to drop a whopping $150M on SlashNext, the email security wizards who probably spent more time coding than you did on your last Netflix binge. 📈🤓 But wait, there's more! They also picked up Cyral for chump change ($25M 😱), probably because who doesn’t love a good data acquisition when the budget allows for some 'retention awards'? Is that the fancy name for pizza Fridays? 🍕🤔 In a leaked convo, one dev was quoted saying, “We needed to secure our email like it was the crown jewels of a meme lord’s digital kingdom.” 👑💻 While another shouted, “This is fine,” as their inbox flooded with spam. 🔥 Let’s be real, if buying a cybersecurity company were a meme, it’d be Drake pointing at a firewall while the other side crumbles like a CringeTik. 🚫📉 🤑 HOT TAKE: In five years, email will be as secure as a vault at Gringotts and we’ll all be trading data like it’s Pokémon cards. So keep your fingers crossed, or we might just be living in *cybersecurity dystopia* 2.0! 🤖💀 #Stonks #EmailIsLife