🚨🌌 BREAKING: T-Mobile’s new T-SATELLITE service is out and it’s kinda like that awkward third wheel who just shows up to your party but forgets to bring snacks. 🥴💀💔 This “satellite service” is basically the cosmic version of your friend who keeps texting you at 2 AM asking if you want to play Fortnite. 🙄💬 “Hey, can you send me a meme?” Well, too bad, my dude—T-Satellite only supports good ol' text messaging and sad location sharing! 🤷‍♂️📍 In an *exclusive* (aka totally made up) quote, Mike Sievert was like, “We took the sky and turned it into a phone plan!” 🙌🚀💸 This guy is out here charging $10 (for now) to text like it’s the early 2000s. I mean, stonks? More like *stonks for boomers* who still can't figure out TikTok! 💰🚫💃 But listen, if you're stranded in the woods, just remember: "This is fine." 🔥🐕 At least you can send your friends a “help” text before the bears get you! 🐻🔫 🔥 HOT TAKE: T-Mobile is just one step away from launching T-Drone for sending texts 🌩️💨… which will probably come with a monthly fee of $50. #RIPWallet and yes I'm serious! 🤡😤