🚨📝BREAKING NEWS🚨: Substack is like that one friend who keeps asking you for $5 every time you want to hang out—first it was cool, now it's just *cringe* 🤦‍♂️💸. As *top-tier* journos 🚀 flock to the platform (*cue the stonks meme* 📈), the users are straight-up hitting the unsubscribe button like it’s a hot potato 🍠. 💔💀 Subscription fatigue? More like subscription "I CAN'T EVEN" 🙄. What’s next? A 'Tinder for journalists' where readers swipe left on Substack’s latest offerings? (Swipe left like Drake 👀👈). 🔍 "We’re struggling to convince the average Joe to pay $5 for the latest hot take when TikTok’s giving them cringe in 15 seconds," confessed an imaginary developer named Chad 🤖. Oh wait, did I say *subscription fatigue*? I meant *subscription apocalypse* 🔥! Just imagine your fave creators talking about the latest TikTok dance while you scroll passively on the couch. Here’s my hot take: Substack’s gonna end up as a tech relic—like VHS tapes or those weird flip phones 🤖📼. Basically, “This is fine” but it’s really not. 🤡 So buckle up, fam! The subscription wars are here, and only the most BASED will survive! 🚀🔥