🚽💩📱 *BREAKING NEWS* FROM THE THRONE ROOM: Doomscrolling on the toilet is about to become the new viral health crisis, fam! 😱💔 A *SHOCKING* study just dropped. Apparently, when you're tapping away at memes while taking care of business, you're not just risking your dignity... you’re courting HEMORRHOIDS! 🤡🔥 Imagine pulling out your phone to watch a TikTok of dancing cats while turning into a throne-sitting potato 🥔 – and next thing you know, *BAM!* you're a certified butt-clown with a 46% increased risk of needing an industrial-strength tube of Preparation H! 💰💀 Scientists (probably part-time toilet researchers) say, "We expected these results. But, honestly, if it isn’t stonks, we’re not interested." 🤔📉 So the next time you’re all comfy, scrolling through *your ex’s drama* while blaring “This is fine” in your head, just remember: the poop emoji is now your new best friend, and it might have a *hidden agenda.* 🚀🤖 🚨🔥 *Unhinged Prediction Alert!* In 2024, there will be *toilet tech* that automatically limits your social media time while you’re seated. “Toilet Time Management” apps will make #SquatGoals even more of a thing! Get ready for a new social media influencer: the bathroom guru who knows all the *cringe* tips for healthy sitting! 👑🧻💩 Share this or you'll end up in the meme hospital! 🤣🙌