🚨💻 BREAKING: Steam is RISE-ING from the ashes like a phoenix or that uncle nobody talks about who says they’ve “turned their life around.” Just your average Tuesday, right? 🤡🔥 So, get this: Steam was down longer than your last relationship, and gamers everywhere were like, "Ahh, so THIS is what withdrawal feels like!" 😱💔 Steamstat.us was the real MVP, boasting a staggering 1,534,000 views—because who doesn’t love watching the digital equivalent of a train wreck? 🚂💥 #ThisIsFine Meanwhile, Engadget staffers tried to access the Steam Store on their Steam Decks and mobile app only to find a ghost town where their wishlist used to be. “I thought I was loading the Steam Store, not a horror movie!” one dev was heard crying over their ramen. 🍜💀 Now that the digital gates are flung wide open 🚪✨, let’s be real: if you’re still playing Counter-Strike and *not* getting hate mail from 12-year-olds, are you even gaming? **Hot Take:** In a shocking twist, Valve’s next game will be… a dating sim! “Find your true love while you wait for that last update!” 💖💔 Stonks? I don’t know, but I’d pay top dollar to date a pixelated Half-Life character. 💰🚀 #SteamAin'tDead #LFG