🚨🌌💔 BREAKING: Starlink users everywhere just realized they might as well be using dial-up from 1995! 🤡😱 That's right, folks! The satellite internet dream is crashing harder than my hopes on a first date! Total blackout at 1:30 p.m. ET, and the Down Detector was like, "Hold my beer! 🍺🔥" 💥 Thousands of Starlink warriors were ready for their Netflix binge when suddenly – BAM! – no Wi-Fi! We’ve got reports that even the fridge went offline, leaving people to actually talk to their families.💔🤯 Leaked Developer Quote: “Error 404: Internet not found. Just kidding, we're working on it between our yoga sessions and avocado toast breaks.” 🤖🧘‍♂️ Meanwhile, Elon’s probably out there laughing like Drake pointing at his 999 upcoming satellites while customers are coping with a super cringe reality. 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️ What’s the vibe? This is fine but also NOT FINE! 💀💩 Brace yourselves, because if this isn’t fixed soon, we’ll all be using paper airplanes for communication. 🔥 HOT TAKE: In a month, we'll discover a black hole opened up in the Starlink mothership, sucking in all the Wi-Fi! Someone save us! 🌌💫 #Stonks #StarlinkShutdown #WeAreAllGroot