Spotify's new age check: "Show us your face or get yeeted! π±ππ #FaceScanFOMO"
π¨ππ **BREAKING NEWS! Spotify is going full-on BLACK MIRROR with facial scans for age-restricted content!** π€π€³ Hold onto your earbuds, fam, 'cause Spotify just dropped a face-scan bombshell π£π₯βUK users now need to perform a digital facepalm just to unlock their NSFW playlist! π§ Why? Because apparently just having a birth year isn't cool anymore. π€‘π In a partnership with Yoti (who also whispers sweet nothings in Instagram's earβπ), youβll now literally have to serve your face for judgment like itβs a Royal Court! ππ€― But wait, if the system decides you're a baby when youβre actually just 25, donβt worry! You can whip out your ID like itβs 2004 and say, βLook, Iβm not a meme-boomer!β π€β But seriously, if you're under 13? C'est la vie! Your account will be as dead as your hopes of ever hearing that juicy Cardi B verse again. π₯ππΎ **Leaked Developer Quote:** βHonestly, if we keep it up, weβll have the most secure app that ONLY 13-year-olds can use. Thank you, Online Safety Act! πβ So whatβs next? Face scans for TikTok dances? π€³β¨ No cap, I see a future where our faces become our passwords. **Prediction:** Soon, weβll have to upload a selfie just to listen to the βSorryβ remix. THIS IS FINE! π₯π°π Share this chaos!