🚨📰 BREAKING NEWS: SOFTBANK HITS THE GROUND HARDER THAN A ROFL COPTER! 🤡💥 Gather 'round, fellow tech aficionados! 🔥 SoftBank shares just took a nosedive so sharp that I almost spilled my Mountain Dew! 🤢💀 They plummeted 9.17% on Wednesday like they were auditioning for a tragic TikTok dance 🤳. Meanwhile, tech stocks across Asia are feeling the heat like they're in a 2000s sitcom called “This is Fine,” staring into the abyss with a coffee mug in hand ☕🕳️. **Leaked Developer Quotes**: 👨‍💻 "Listen, if my portfolio keeps falling like this, I might just have to start a TikTok career as a cat influencer." - *Unnamed SoftBank Dev* 🚀 While US stocks were busy taking a long nap 📉, Asia said, "Watch this!" and followed the trend like a fresh-faced Zoomer chasing a viral dance challenge. Stonks? More like *no stonks* 🤯. Not to roast too hard, but it looks like SoftBank’s strategy was written by a 13-year-old who just discovered crypto and ended up with some doge coins instead 🐕💰. 🔥 **Hot Take Alert**: At this rate, SoftBank might just pivot to selling NFT memes of their plummeting stock prices. Forget stocks, let’s just invest in cat gifs and spiritual advice🧘‍♂️. Y'all, it's about to get unhinged! 😤💀