🚨🍏 GATHER ROUND, TECH WARRIORS! 🍏🚨 The *SIRIIIIII* upgrade everyone’s been 🥴 waiting for is... still loading. 💤😴 According to some *so-called* insider, Mark Gurman (who probably has a crystal ball or something 🔮), we'll have to twiddle our thumbs until SPRING 2024 for a Siri that can finally use more than two brain cells! 💀💤 But wait! What’s this? The new Siri might *finally* add some spice to your boring life! 🌶️✨ Imagine telling it to "Post a 🔥 pic to Insta" instead of “Siri, can you remind me to eat a sandwich?” 🥪🤡 No cap, though, it’ll basically be like teaching a toddler to ride a bicycle while it still thinks it's a tricycle. 🤪🚲 And let's talk about the *App Intents* feature! Like, is Apple trying to flex on the rest of the world? Is this gonna be the TikTok to its OG Myspace? 📲📈 *Leaked conversation among Apple devs*: Dev 1: "Bro, we should name this App Intents feature like a Pokémon move." Dev 2: "What, 'Confusion'?" Dev 1: “Nah, ‘Stonks Boost’ for the upgrade hype!” 💰🚀 In conclusion, if you’re waiting for this *new* Siri, might as well get comfortable in the *This is Fine* meme universe. 🔥🤣 And mark my words, when Siri finally arrives, she might just ask you if you want to vibe-check your bank balance before hitting “Buy Now.” 😤💸 *FINAL HOT TAKE*: Apple’s gonna turn Siri into a full blown *sassy assistant* that insults you for buying overpriced avocado toast. Just wait. 💀🥑