🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨: Roelof Botha is bringing SEQUOIA to TechCrunch Disrupt 2025, and it’s time to get LIT 🔥 Like, can we just say “let’s get this bread” at this point? 🍞💵 🚀 For 20 WHOLE YEARS, this man has been the overlord of venture capital—shaping the tech landscape while we were still figuring out how to change our MySpace song. 🎤🐸💀 Now he’s stepping onstage to drop some wisdom nuggets on the future—which honestly sounds more exciting than watching paint dry. 🥱💤 Just imagine: “The future of venture?” “Invest in NFTs of JPEGs??? 😱” 👀 Leaked developer quotes from a *totally not-in-the-background* guy: “Roelof once told me that investing is like dating: pick the right ones and pray they don’t ghost you! 💔” This is absolute 🔥🔥! But hold up, while he’s talking about the future, someone pass him a crystal ball because we all know the real future is just AI taking over and us becoming pets to our robot overlords! 🤖👑 Prediction alert! 🥳 In 2025, Sequoia will announce they’ve funded the first venture-backed AI therapist that charges $1,000/hour to validate your feelings! 💰💀 Stonks? More like *giga-stonks* 💹—watch this conversation go CRAZY! Share or be square! 📈✨