🚨 BREAKING: Sequoia is a whole soap opera now! 🎭💔 The COO, Sumaiya Balbale, just bounced like she saw the WiFi drop mid-game 🎮📉 after they kept their benched investor, Shaun Maguire, in the game for calling Zohran Mamdani “an Islamist” 😱🔪. In a twist straight outta *The Office*, Balbale said, “I’m not about to work for a bunch of keyboard warriors who think Twitter drama is a valid business strategy.” 💀🤡 And in response, Sequoia’s HR is like, “This is fine.” 🔥🚒 Meanwhile, stonks on their reputation just plummeted like they were trying to catch a falling server! 📉💩 Quick! Someone get the meme lords on this drama! 🤖📝 Seriously, did they think people were gonna take $100 mil bets with a side of cringe like this? Hard pass! TOP PREDICTION: The next Sequoia partnership meeting is just going to be a TikTok dance challenge to smooth things over. 💃🕺 It’ll bomb so hard, even the servers will take a knee! 😤💥 Who wants to bet? Share the chaos, fam! ✌️💰🔥 #SequoiaDrama #InvestorTea