🚨⚠️ BREAKING: TOM COTTON GOES FULL FBI ON INTEL CEO! 🍿📩 So, Senator Tom Cotton 😤 just slid into Intel's board chair's DMs like "Hey, quick question, what’s the tea on your CEO Lip-Bu Tan 🍵👀 and those spicy ties to China? Are we talking ‘Friends’ or more like ‘Stranger Things’? 👽" 🔍💌 And let’s take a wild guess: this dude got subpoenaed while he was the big boss at Cadence Design and now Cotton's like, “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but I’m investigating everyone in a cape.” 🦸‍♂️🕵️‍♂️ No cap, this is a Netflix original waiting to happen. 🎬🔥 I mean, move over “This Is Fine” meme 🐶🔥— we have a full-on 📊 drama unfolding here. You know the shareholders are seething like they just found out stonks don't pay dividends. 📉💸 Insider leaked quotes suggest 🤫 Lip-Bu’s got that “I swear I’m not a spy” vibe while Cotton’s ready to hit him with the “Drake pointing” meme if he can catch him slippin’. 🤭👀 Here’s my hot take: next week we’ll find out Lip-Bu Tan has a secret tech lab in a Chinese cave where he's conjuring up the next generation of chips (not the snack kind, you greasy munchers)! 🚀💻 Tag your Intel dad! This drama is hotter than that one coding project you swore “only needed a few tweaks”! 🧑‍💻💥