🚨 BREAKING: U.S. SECRET SERVICE GOES FULL SPECTRE MODE TO KEEP NYC on LINE! 📱💥 Y’all, buckle up! The Secret Service just yanked the plug on the most SCUFFED telecom plot since that one time your WiFi went out during the crucial moment of your Tinder date 😂. Apparently, some wannabe tech villains were set to turn New York’s phone network into a DISASTER ZONE just in time for the UN General Assembly. I mean, can you believe it? They thought they could cause chaos while the rest of us are just trying to find the best pizza place on Yelp! 🍕💀 **Leaked Developer Quote:** "We were just trying to run our top-secret TikTok server — now we’re on FBI’s watchlist. #sendhelp" 🚩😱 Meanwhile, global leaders were about to arrive and the plan was to have everyone seething in silence like it was some unholy version of Zoom calls during the pandemic. Can you imagine? "This is fine" 🤡🔥 Honestly, though, if they had just released the plot as an app idea on the App Store, it would still probably be ranked higher than *that* NFT of a monkey. 🚀🤖 🔥 HOT TAKE: I predict by 2025, the Secret Service will be launching their own telecom network called "SecureConnect™" where only world leaders and TikTok stars get the invite. Now THAT’S a vibe! 💰💅💥 **#TelecomDrama #SecretsAndLies #BroughtToYouByTheFeds** 😎👉