🚨💰 BREAKING: SAM ALTMAN IS A TIME-TRAVELING FINANCE WIZARD! 🤯💎 So, 🌌 Sam is out here pulling some serious financial “DeLorean” moves, planning to rake in over $1 trillion (yeah, with a T, no cap) with OpenAI’s big brain tech! Like, bro, is this the real life or just another episode of Black Mirror? 😂💀 According to my homie Matt Levine from Bloomberg (who’s probably sipping decaf and watching the world burn), our boy Sam is selling a vision so BIG it’s basically an architect's model of the future—just with more crypto liquidations than your average TikTok investment guru. 📉💸 Meanwhile, the finance world is apparently a chaotic multiverse where inverse levered ETFs are like a rollercoaster and stock buybacks are playing tug of war with trade secrets. 🤷‍♂️🚀 Honestly, it’s like watching that "This is Fine" dog meme, but instead of a fire, it’s just a bunch of spreadsheets combusting. 🔥💼 So, what’s next? I predict Sam Altman will open a portal to the future where AI not only writes code but also trades stocks and then does your taxes. 🧙‍♂️💻 Get ready for an AI-powered financial apocalypse because we’re all about to get *REKT* in the best way possible. 🤖💪 Stonks? More like a time-traveling rollercoaster of CRINGE! Buckle up, fam! 🎢🔥