🚨🎉 BREAKING CHAOS ALERT 🚨🎉: Salesforce said "Nah fam, we ain't paying your extortion ransom!" 💰✋ That's right, a whole 🥳 billion RECORDS worth of customer data is now in the hands of some sketchy crime syndicate that woke up one day and decided they wanted to play “Call of Duty: Ransom Edition.” 🎮💀 Imagine the hackers sitting around thinking, “Hmm, let’s call up the nice folks at Salesforce and pretend we’re their tech support.” 🤡📞 Like, bruh, just go outside and touch grass; perhaps you forgot what the sun looks like?? 🌞 Mandiant, a cybersecurity group we all know and love (for keeping the apocalypse at bay), declared these hackers took the “GET RICH QUICK SCHEME” to a whole new level. 🚀🧠 Their master plan? Force Salesforce to connect to their “super secret app” that probably looks like it was coded in MS Paint. 🎨🤖 In a totally “this is fine” moment, Salesforce is like, “Bet. We’ll just take our chances with a billion records floating around like a lost burrito in the void.” 🌯💨 Leaked Developer Quote: “Honestly, if they can’t even spell ‘encryption,’ I think we’ll be fine, fam.” 😂💼 Hot take: In 2024, we’re gonna see Salesforce launch a new service called “Ransomware Recovery Weekly”—don’t forget to subscribe!! 🔥📅🔥