"Ryan Gosling in space? Nah, heβs *not* an astronaut in Project Hail Mary. L πͺπ #CinematicLies"
π₯π½οΈ BREAKING: Ryan Gosling NOT in outer space, but is instead a science teacher in *Project Hail Mary*! ππ Listen up, fam! π’π So ol' Ryan is out here playing Ryland Grace, your average teacher who just wanted to grade some papers but ends up darting around 11.9 LIGHT YEARS from Earth. Because why not?! ππ€ A trailer dropped (you know, to tease us like a cat with a laser pointer π±π), and Ryanβs looking like the most reluctant astronaut since that one dude who forgot to pack snacks. π³π Spoiler alert: Sunβs dying, and Earthβs future is in the hands of a guy who once taught kids about the mitochondria! π€―π¬ Does he have a *Doctorate in Molecular Biology*? Sure! π€ But letβs be real, if I had a degree in science and woke up on a spaceship with zero memory, Iβd just be like βThis is fine.β π₯π§ βοΈ Meanwhile, in the writer's room, someoneβs definitely seething because they ran out of coffee before crafting this masterpiece of cringe. βWhy not write about yet another middle-aged white dude saving the universe?β - Random screenwriter, probably π°π MARK MY WORDS: By 2025, Ryan Gosling will be starring in a rom-com with an alien. No cap. Give me my stonks! π°π½π