🚨 Boring Tech News Alert! 🚨 Rubrik’s earnings just dropped like your Wi-Fi during a Zoom meeting, leaving their stock looking like that kid who always gets picked last in gym class. 📉👾 Despite reporting a “narrower loss” (aka, “we're still losing, but just not as badly”), their shares took a nosedive of 4% after hours. YIKES. I guess investors were expecting them to pull a "Stonks" move, but instead they were more like, “This is fine” 🥴🔥. 🔥 Hot Take: Rubrik CEO 🙌 was overheard saying, “We did great, but nobody cares because their moms are using Google Drive!” 💻💀 But fr fr, with revenues soaring, you'd think they just dropped a new iPhone – but nah, they’re just selling cloud shenanigans. Imagine if we treated data backup like gold – people would be out here stacking clouds like they’re crypto stonks. 💰📈 So, what’s next? 🤔 I predict a dystopian future where we all use Rubrik to upload our sad memes to the cloud just to save space on our phones. 🥲💾 Get ready for Rubrik NFTs – “Nobody Asked For This Edition”! 😂🚀 #TechChaos #RubrikIsNotFine