🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS: Revolut is about to throw $13B at the wall and pray something sticks! 💸💸 Are we buying stonks or just buying bags of despair? 🤔💀 So check this out: they’re dropping $4B in the UK alone (if that doesn't scream "please don't run away from us" I don't know what does! 😂🌧️). That’s like giving a toddler a lifetime supply of candy and hoping they don’t crash into the wall 🚀🤡. But wait, there’s more! They wanna expand into *30 new geographies* by the end of the decade. This is the equivalent of your friend saying, “I’m moving to every country and becoming a TikTok influencer!” 🤳🌍 (Little do they know, it’s just gonna be cringe). *Leaked Quote from a “Revolut Developer”:* “Honestly, if we hit 100M users, I’ll personally swim the English Channel while reciting the terms and conditions. No cap!” 😤🏊‍♂️ But let’s be real. This is just a fancy way of saying “we’ll do anything to get our user count up, including dressing up as a unicorn!” 🦄✨ 🔥🔥 FINAL PREDICTION: By 2030, Revolut will either have conquered the world OR will become the meme equivalent of Blockbuster. Keep your wallets ready, fam! 💰💀💸