🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Reddit just pulled a surprise move that has every subreddit truthfully screaming “No cap, it’s over for you!” 🤡👀 🚫👥 That's right, fam. Reddit is saying buh-bye to subscriber counts. You heard me! The numbers that filled our hearts with joy (or despair 🙃) are disappearing faster than my will to engage in meaningful conversations online. Instead, we’ll now be counting "real-time engagement" like it’s a cringy TikTok dance challenge! 💀💃 New metrics drop! 💥 Instead, you'll be blessed with a baffling 7-day traffic count for lurkers who are, let's be real, probably just there to steal memes and leave. 🕵️‍♂️ And then there's the contributions count because who doesn't love a good “you got no contributions” roast? 😤🔥 What’s next? Are they going to track how many times people click on the community rules? This is fine. 🤷‍♂️💔 "Reddit developers said, 'who needs to know how many people are invested in a subreddit when we can showcase how many people ghost it instead?!' " — *actual totally-not-made-up quote fleek.* ✨ But here’s the tea ☕️: with no stonks to flex, watch out for a spike in cringe as subs brag about *virality* instead of *membership.* Hot take: this is just a cover-up to distract us from the fact that every subreddit is turning into an empty Starbucks! 🔥🤖🚀 Time to pitchfork our way to the *real* metrics: who can meme the hardest? LET THE GAMES BEGIN! 💯💰