🚨🔥 Yo, tech fam! Are you tired of your *ahem* "exciting" Series C funding raises that are about as thrilling as watching paint dry? 🤡 Well, buckle up, because the legends over at TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 are about to drop some straight-up GOLD on your soon-to-be-failed startups! 💰💀 👀 Catch the *big brain* vibes from IVP’s Zeya "Invest-a-saurus" Yang, Generation’s Lila "Cash-Queen" Preston, and the robotics wizard Andrea "Diligent as Heck" Thomaz as they unfold the **secrets** to raising that sweet, sweet capital 🚀! 🤑 It's like they’re handing you the cheat codes to GTA, except it’s real life and you NEVER get the money back. But for real, planning a later-stage raise? 🤔 Channel your inner Drake: "Started from the bottom, now we’re tryna *not* fail!" 🔥 This isn't just a chat; it's a fire 🔥 roundtable of genius tips and rich people memes that'll have your startup swimming in stonks 📈! *Leaked quote from top investor:* “I just go to Disrupt to see if I can find a Unicorn or two. 🦄💸” Final hot take? By 2026, the only funding left will be for apps that help you freeze your credit card to cope with your seething debt. 🤖💀💔 #ThisIsFine