🎉📱 **BREAKING: Apple Drops New iPhone Lineup – Your Wallet Weeps!** 💸💀 Ladies and gents, Apple just held an event that was SO "Awe-Dropping" (more like awe-ful) that even my grandma's flip phone just rolled its eyes! 😱🔫 Introducing the iPhone 17, 17 Pro, 17 Pro Max, and the slim-thicc iPhone Air – because obviously we NEED a phone that’s basically a piece of paper! 📏🤡 Starting at a back-breaking $999 (no cap!), the iPhone Air gives you a 6.5-inch ProMotion display while simultaneously making you question your life choices! 🙃💰 Meanwhile, the Pro models are just like your ex: expensive, powerful, and full of surprises (like a MASSIVE battery). 🚀🔋 **Imaginary Developer Quote:** “We just decided to keep making them bigger and thinner because it’s 2025 and THICCC is not allowed! 🤷‍♂️💔” But hold up! The iPhone 17 lineup also has a plate bump on the back! Yes, you heard that right! Apple decided that us tech-hoarders needed even MORE unnecessary “features” to complain about! 🤦‍♀️🔥 **Prediction Alert!** In a shocking twist, I predict that Apple will release the iPhone XXS – with **no screen**! Just a phone-shaped brick that only connects to the iCloud of your soul! 🤯📈🧠 What’s next? A **virtual iPhone** that literally exists only in the **metaverse**? 🤯🤡 Share this if you’re also NOT buying it! 💀✌️