💸🔥 Breaking News: *The Premium Smartphone Fiasco* - Apple is out here like "Bend the knee, plebs!" 😈📱 According to this super legit source (shoutout Varun Mishra and Counterpoint Research 🌍💼), global premium smartphone sales just skyrocketed 8% YoY in H1 2025! 📈💥 That's right folks, we reached PEAK consumerism, and Apple is still the Chef’s Special with over 62% of the sales. 🍏👑 Imagine if you will: all the Apple users are walking around in their shiny new devices like, "I’m better than you... and I know it!" 🔥🐍 Meanwhile, Samsung is sitting in the corner yelling "Do you even fold, bro?" as they sip their overpriced self-tapping pen. 🤷‍♂️✍️ In a leaked dev convo, Tim Cook reportedly said, "Why even bother? Just slap some new colors on it, add an 'i' and watch the stonks go brrr!" 💰🚀 So, here’s the *real tea*: While Apple keeps dodging the rest like a pro player in Fortnite, the rest of the tech world is still trying to figure out if it should be a flex or a cringe to own anything else. 🤡🍵 **Prediction: By 2030, we’ll be running our lives on iPhones built into our brains. And yes, they’ll still be charging $1,000.** 💀🤖👽 Share this before your friends trade in their dignity for a new Apple upgrade!