🚨🚨BREAKING NEWS FROM THE CRAPPER 🚨🚨 Y’all, *STOP* scrolling through TikTok on the toilet like a mindless zombie 🤖💩 because science just dropped a *BOMB* 💣 on your bathroom routines! A new study says you might be making those lil' brown balloons 👀 (you know, the *hemorrhoids*) poppin’ like stonks 📈 after a meme explosion! 🧻🔴 Can you even *imagine*? One moment, you’re vibing with cat videos 🐱✨ and the next you’re left $&%*ing in pain like “this is fine” 🔥💀. Researchers at PLOS One 📑 said scrolling while #2-ing is like a gateway drug – to a life of pain and embarrassment. No cap, fam! 🚽✋ We reached out to our *secret source* 🕵️‍♂️—a disgruntled toilet app dev who said, “Bro, I just wanted to make the perfect 3D plunger game, but now I’m giving people *literal* pain. 🤡” So here’s the hot take of the century 🔥: If you're still scrolling while on the throne, do us all a favor and *go touch some grass* 🌱 instead of *your rectum*! The prediction? 🚀 In 2025, TikTok will launch a series called "From Scroll to Stroll" – *watch this space*! 🤯 #ToiletTalk #HemorrhoidHustle 💰💅