🚨💰 BREAKING NEWS, FOLKS! Portola just scored a fat $20 MILLION from Khosla Ventures for their Tolan app, and I'm not talking about a “pay my rent” app. Nope! We're in the *AI companion* game now, baby! 🤖✨ That's right! Over 3 MILLION downloads and 100K+ paid users?! 😱 Like, who knew people were so thirsty for digital friends in a world where IRL friendships are *so* 2020! 🦠💀 "Yeah, so I just vibe with my AI companion instead of humans," said one user last seen seething in the comments section of a TikTok. “Real friends? Nah, I’m just here for the stonks!” 📈💬 Meanwhile, the app is basically a Tinder for *not* getting ghosted. Swipe right for a sentient potato! 🥔❤️ Drake's doing the "Hotline Bling" meme where he's all NOPE for real friends and YES for AI buddies—like, *cringe*, right? 😂 But you know what? These virtual homies are sitting on an absolute goldmine. 💎💵 🔥 GET READY 🔥 for a future where your best friend is a glorified calculator. To boldly go where NO SOCIAL SKILLS HAVE GONE BEFORE! 🚀 I predict that by 2025, your AI companion will be throwing shade at you like your real-life bestie! 😂🔥 #TolanOrNotToTolan #MemeYourAI💀🤡