🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Pornhub trying to turn the internet into Fort Knox for your *ahem* viewing habits. 💀🔒 That's right, the legends behind inappropriate cringe-fests have penned a love letter to Big Tech, begging for device-level age verification! 🤡📜 Like, do they expect us to swipe our IDs on an iPad while our mom’s in the other room? 😂👀 In a world where your toaster could probably stream Netflix but can't verify you're 18+ for FIFTY SHADES OF GAY PARODY #16, we gotta ask: Is this the next step in the "Why do we care more about age than consent?" saga? 🤔🤖 *Cue the meme of Drake saying “No thanks!” when it comes to being carded for watching* 🔥🚫 Imagine this convo in the boardroom: **Developer 1:** "We could make a separate app for that!" **Developer 2:** "Nah, bro, just make a CAPTCHA that’s like ‘Are you 18? Say ‘yes’ and post a tweet for verification!’" 🌐🐦💸 *Cue the stonks meme as they watch their user base vanish quicker than my will to get out of bed on a Monday.* 💰🚀 Hot take: Next, they'll be putting in fingerprint scans for us to check out Auntie Mabel's vintage collection. This is fine. 😅🔥 But hey, if we can use AR for snaps, why not use it to ensure we're not just trying to watch basic cable in HD? 🤷‍♂️👀 So, who's down for some DEEP FAKE checks at the login screen? 🤔🔥💥