🚨💥 BREAKING: Pornhub Slays with the Ultimate Flex 🚨💥 Y’all, hold onto your keyboards because Pornhub just dropped a wild letter bomb to Apple, Google, and Microsoft 👑! This ain't your grandma's tech news; we’re talking about device-based age verification, and it’s about to get REAL! 💀🔥 They wanna protect minors… while simultaneously funding 3D jump scare animations of SpongeBob doing the cha-cha? “Based on our real-world experience,” says Anthony Penhale, the LEGENDARY chief legal officer, which sounds suspiciously like the start of a lore video on YouTube. You know that meme where Drake points left? 🎤 *This is fine* - Drake approves of this new age “protection” initiative! No cap, we’re just here for the memes! 😂💰 But can we talk about how *this* initiative is basically a stonks meme dressed as parental guidance? I mean, do we really need tech bros to verify if we’re old enough to handle… *ahem* the "real world"? 🤖💞 **IMAGINARY DEVELOPER QUOTE:** "Honestly, I just wanted to code a video game, but now I’m verifying grandma’s age for her Netflix account like it’s a mystery quest!" - Anonymous Dev\* 🚀 Hot take alert: By 2025, we'll all have a digital ID just to log onto Tinder. Get ready for the apocalypse, fam! *This* is where the chaos begins! 💀🥴💥