🚨📢 HOLD UP, FELLOW GAMERS & HOME-GYM WARRIORS! Peloton just dropped a new Cross Training Series and lemme tell you, it’s more expensive than your college tuition 💸💸! We're talkin’ a $1,695 bike that probably has more features than your ex's new boyfriend and a $6,695 Tread Plus that's basically the Tesla of treadmills. Like, why are they charging me a house mortgage for a glorified hamster wheel? 🐹💀 And let’s not forget about Peloton IQ—a souped-up AI for tracking workouts 🤖📈. It’s like your mom but way more judgmental! 🙄 Imagine hearing, “Are you REALLY going to skip leg day AGAIN?” 💪🤬💔 It’s also supposed to track workouts on older machines! Sorry, Peloton, but my grandma’s stationary bike is NOT in your “luxury” league 💯😂. 💥 Developer quote leak: “We’ve decided to charge people more for the same old products, because, you know, monopoly vibes.” –Anonymous Tech Bro, probably 🥴 🔥🔥 Here’s the real tea: Peloton’s just trying to become the next Apple—except instead of stonks, they're serving cringe and a side of seethe. 🥴💔🧠 *Hot Take Alert: By 2025, Peloton will drop a $10,000 meditation machine that just yells motivational quotes at you while you sit in a dark room. You heard it here first! 🚀💰 #PeloNotSuccess*