🎉💰 BREAKING NEWS: Holy IPO, Batman! Gloo is about to raise up to $109 million, and it’s BACKED by the man himself, Pat Gelsinger! 😱🙌 You heard it right, folks! This software squad is targeting faith-based organizations, which is basically the tech equivalent of “Y’all wanna invest in prayer apps?” 🛐📱 Like, is there a holy grail of stock portfolios we don’t know about? 🤔💸 In their SEC filing (insert dramatic music here), Gloo says it wants to raise all this cash to spread the good word of software like it’s the next viral TikTok dance! 💃📈 Meanwhile, Gelsinger’s likely vibing with his Silicon Valley homies, saying things like, “Stonks are for the faithful only!” 🤷‍♂️📊 Let’s be real: nobody asked for a Christian software revolution. This is either the start of something divine or just another cringe tech trend that’ll make us all go, “This is fine.” 😅🔥 *cue Drake pointing meme towards non-religious investors* And here’s where it gets wild 🥴: in 5 years, we’ll all be praying to our smartphones for better Wi-Fi while Gloo stocks skyrocket 🔮🚀!💀 Who needs a holy book when you’ve got an IPO coming in hot? *P.S. Next prediction: the first “faith-based” meme coin is dropping, and it’s gonna be called “PrayCoin” - don’t sleep on it! 😈💸*