🎉 BREAKING: Paramount Plus and UFC are about to become that iconic couple we never asked for but desperately need! 🤡💥 Prepare your wallets, because they dropped a whopping $7.7 BILLION 💰💰 to snag those sweet, sweet fight rights for the next seven years! That’s right, baby! NO PAY-PER-VIEW 🙅‍♂️🚫 So grab that popcorn 🍿 and get ready for 30 Fight Nights and 13 jaw-dropping marquee events starting in 2026! Paramount said: "We’re not raising prices, fam!"—but let’s be real, that $12.99 Premium plan better be worth it! 🤔💸 Meanwhile, the $7.99 Essential plan is up in the air like a poorly thrown haymaker. ESPN's out there weeping like a meme in the rain 🌧️😢, having paid a cool $500 million annually for their UFC slice of the pie 🍰, while Paramount is ready to flex harder than your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner! It’s a real ‘Drake Pointing’ situation here. 🚀🔥 And in true dystopian fashion, we’ve got “Paramount UFC”—is this the future of fights, or just another phase of “This Is Fine”? 🐶🔥 🌌💭 Hot Take: In 2027, we’ll be betting on virtual reality UFC fights featuring AI-generated fighters named ‘Doge McSlap’ and ‘Kombucha Klown’! 🤖💀 Get your stonks and fight gear ready, because #NFTUFC is coming for your neck 😱!