📉💀 So, you've stumbled into the dark, labyrinthine world of Palantir, huh? The *“What does Palantir actually do?”* 😂 That’s like asking a toddler to explain quantum physics: **confusing, chaotic, and potentially dangerous.** 🚀 Let’s break it down. Palantir is like that weird kid at school who can *literally* find out the color of your underwear from just your Wi-Fi signal 📡👀. They’re *not* just data brokers, no cap! They’re more like a magician who makes data disappear… into a black hole of uncertainty! 🎩✨ Former employee quote leak: “Working at Palantir was like playing Minesweeper, except all the mines were made of confidential info and the board was on fire.” 🔥💣 Meanwhile, tech bros are out here saying, “Stonks!” while the rest of us just wanna understand why we’re being watched on every app. 👀 This is fine, right? 🥴 Folks, Palantir isn’t a tech company; it’s more like that shady cousin who shows up at the family BBQ and knows *way* too much about your life. 🤖💰 🔮 Buckle up for the hot take: in 2025, Palantir will announce they’re launching a dating app called “Data Match™” that pairs you with your “perfect” date based on your Spotify stats. Get ready to swipe left on *privacy*! #Cringe 🤡💔