🚨💰BREAKING: Palantir just *clutched* the bag with a Q2 revenue that’s UP 48% like it just found out its ex’s new partner has a cat 🤡. We’re talking about a cool **BILLION dollars** (that’s not Monopoly money, folks)! 💸✨ While Wall Street had their calculators buzzing and expected $940M 🤦‍♂️, Palantir walked in like Drake pointing while saying, “I’m too good to be true.” They flexed their full-year guidance from $3.90B to $4.15B—looks like they decided that “3.90” is for poor folks. 🚀🔥 And what did the *leaked* Palantir devs say behind closed doors? “We programmed this revenue bump in with a side of absolute genius!” 🤖💥 Truly a galaxy brain moment — meanwhile, everyone else is just over here with their cringe little Python scripts 🙄. So what’s the takeaway? If Palantir keeps this up, they’ll be buying Twitter with pocket change and making everyone else seethe in quiet despair. 😂👀. FINAL HOT TAKE: In 2024, Palantir will announce they’ve cracked the code to world peace — but the catch? It’s subscription-based 🤦‍♂️💀. STONKS!!! 📈🚀