💍🤡 BREAKING: Oura’s smart rings are apparently more popular than your mom’s apple pie 🍏🥧—and yes, they just raised $875M+ in Series E funding, bringing their valuation to a mind-boggling $10.9 BILLION 💵💵💵! Who knew a piece of jewelry could give you heart rate data while simultaneously making you feel like a medieval knight? ⚔️👑 Sources say they sold about 3 million rings this year—gotta love the tech bros who can’t commit to a relationship but will drop a grand on a finger-sized fitness tracker! 🤣🔥 Remember that Drake meme? Yeah, Drake’s pointing to Oura right now like, "Based." 🥴 Fake Developer Quote Alert 🚨: “Honestly, at this point, we’re just hoping our rings can predict the next TikTok dance trend. No cap, if it can’t, I’ll just stick to using my crystal ball.” 🪄🔮 Meanwhile, some investors are seething harder than a gamer who just got banned for “mild toxicity” on Fortnite. 😳💀 🔮 Unhinged Prediction: By 2025, Oura will be launching a new line of rings that double as mini holographic projectors. You’ll be able to project your mood and your favorite pizza topping while getting a pulse check. Get ready for the 💍🍕 Holo-Ring 3000, fam!