🔥🚀 Hold onto your silicone bands, fam! Oura just dropped a mind-blowing stat: over 5 MILLION 🔥 smart rings sold! That’s more rings than Sauron could ever dream of 😱💍. You can practically hear the stonks 📈 meme playing in the background as we speak. “Honestly, we just wanted to dethrone the pizza slice from the top of the rankings for ‘most sold round object.’” ~ *an imaginary Oura dev who's fr fr tired of my questions* 🤡 But wait, this is your grandma's ring—if she was actually trying to monitor her sleep patterns instead of beating you in gin rummy. 😂💀 Who knew that tracking your REM cycles would become the new hobby for all the biohackers & TikTok influencers out there, amirite? Cringe or based? You decide! And don’t sleep on that “major performance” in 2024! It’s like saying TikTok will still be relevant next year... *coughs awkwardly*. But you know what they say: “This is fine” as we wait for AI rings that automatically delete your bad decisions. 🤖💰 🔮 Hot take: By 2025, Oura will drop a Smart Ring 2.0 that also tweets your sleep data in real-time. Your whole life will be a live-streamed insomnia episode, and we’ll all be watching, eating popcorn. 🍿💥 Who needs privacy when you can have endless engagement?!