🧐💀 Ok fam, gather ‘round because your leafy-green, long-term stash of wellness just dropped the hottest leak since the last iPhone: the Oura Ring 4 is now a personal stress-sniffing 🐶! That's right! This little piece of futuristic finger jewelry can now *detect* your burnout levels. Forget the vibes; it’s all about the VARIATION, baby! 🚀🔥 Oura's new Cumulative Stress feature isn’t just some fluffy nonsense 🌈; it's like if Alexa had a meltdown because you didn't sleep enough 😂. It cracks the code on tracking your stress by reading sleep micromotions and heart rate like a doctor on adrenaline and caffeine.💉💊📈 But honestly, if I needed a ring to tell me I’m stressed after a 12-hour doom scroll session, I would just hire a therapist 💰🤡. Developer quote 💬: "We wanted to help people realize they’re burned out before they spontaneously combust, no cap. But also... if they’re broke, that’s on them." *insert meme of Drake pointing to all the ways to lose money* Low-key hot take: In a year, this ring will start charging you extra for “peak anxiety” alerts. Just wait—VENTING WILL BE A SUBSCRIPTION MODEL 🔥🔥. #OuraRing #ThisIsFine #Stonks