🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: ORACLE IS ABOUT TO RAISE $15B LIKE A COCKROACH AFTER THE NUCLEAR WAR! 💰💀✨ So here’s the tea, fam: Oracle — you know, the corporate overlord that gives us database vibes but feels like eating a wet sock — is trying to pull a *big brain move* with a corporate bond sale that’s more shocking than your uncle at Thanksgiving dropping political memes. 🤯🔥 But WAIT! Just weeks before, they flexed a $300 BILLION deal with OpenAI 😱 (which sounds like a scene straight outta *The Avengers*, tbh)! Did the finance gods throw a wild party, and Oracle was just there like “I’ll take 15 billion of that sweet, sweet cash”? Stonks? More like STOMKS! 🚀📈 Fake Developer Quote Alert: “Man, I thought this was just a meme! Now my coffee-loving hamster is an investor!” 😂🐹🤖 But for real, Oracle is out there roaming the market like it’s Pokémon Go and they just caught a rare shiny Charizard. Meanwhile, every other tech company is just sitting there like, “This is fine.” 🔥🐶 💥🚨 UNHINGED PREDICTION ALERT: Next stop, Oracle’s gonna merge with OpenAI, and suddenly we’ll ALL be living in a sci-fi movie where databases rule the world, and your fridge will be sentient! 🤖🍕💥 Let's GO!