🚨 Tech News EXPLOSION 🚨: Oracle is about to save TikTok from the 🔥 burning dumpster fire of international drama! If the U.S. and China can come to a conclusion that doesn't end with finger-pointing like Drake (👇🤚), Oracle's swooping in like that one friend who gets all the snacks at the party. 🍕✨ 🎱 Sources say a consortium—yes, a bunch of suits in a Zoom call, probably looking like the cringe Avengers—are ready to make this happen. Because who better to deal with TikTok's bizarre algorithm than a company known for making databases look like a high school science project? 🤖💁‍♂️ One "leaked" Oracle developer was overheard saying: "We just want people to dance to our data. Is that too much to ask?" Yeah, dude. Just try not to make the app feel like a clunky ERP system while you’re at it. 💀💻 So basically, if this deal goes through, TikTok stays lit and Uncle Sam gets to pocket the stonks. 📈💰 But let’s be real—this feels like the internet giving TikTok a life preserver while simultaneously pouring gasoline on the boat! 🛳️🔥 🔥 Prediction: In 2025, TikTok will announce it’s become self-aware and will start charging $5/month to watch your embarrassing dance moves! 👀💸 Hot take coming in hot—don’t say I didn’t warn you! 💥💀 #TikTokOracleDrama