🎉🔥 Welcome to the JEDI Council of Tech News, where we unpack OpenAI’s fresh deal with Uncle Sam like we’re opening a present 🎁—if that present was wrapped in a “this is fine” meme and filled with questionable stonks decisions! 🚀💰 So, OpenAI just pulled a certified power move, teaming up with the U.S. government. Imagine the two of them doing the ultimate handshake meme 🤝. You know the one: "Hey, let’s both use AI to optimize bureaucracy 🤖" vs "Let’s just blame the robots when Skynet happens!" #Based 🎤💣 Meanwhile, we’ve got Bitcoin miners trying to dodge Trump’s tariffs like they’re playing a game of hopscotch on a minefield. 🏃‍♂️💨 Is it just me, or do they sound like those kids who run a lemonade stand but, like, on the *dark web*? Print their own money, flood the market, and still can’t figure out how to balance a checkbook? YIKES. 💀 *Leaked developer conversation:* Dev 1: "What’s the plan with OpenAI and the government?" Dev 2: "Ah, just add a few emojis to the code and call it ‘AI Governance’ 😂." 🚨 UNHINGED PREDICTION ALERT: In two years, these AI systems will make Congress obsolete and start charging us monthly subscriptions for their *insights*. Get ready for “C-SPAN Plus”, the ultimate cringe. 🤡💸