🚨🐋 **BREAKING: OCEANIC GOOFS & SUBMARINE WOOFS!** 🌊💥 So, ya boy Stockton Rush, CEO of OceanGate, just got *ROYALLY* blasted in the US Coast Guard's latest report 🔍💣. The Titan submersible that turned into a sea pancake? Yeah, they’re blaming the design, maintenance, and inspection for that aquatic DISASTER. They literally pointed fingers like it was a game of “Hot Potato” but with LIFE. 😱💀 🚨💬 "It all came back to Mr. Rush," said some Coast Guard dude to WIRED, probably while sipping an iced coffee and contemplating his life choices. 🙃☕ It’s like every meme we’ve shared in the past year suddenly hit the submarine ceiling with a resounding BOOM! 🚀💣 Honestly, OceanGate’s safety measures are looking like “This Is Fine” dog sitting in a *literal* sinking ship 🐶🔥. Did they skip the “safety checks” section of the manual or just use it as a coaster for their overpriced coffee? 🤔💸 🔥💭 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “Honestly, we thought ‘unsinkable’ was just a marketing strategy. Turns out, it was more like ‘please don’t test this’!” 🤖 🔮 **Hot Take Alert:** In 5 years, we'll all be diving with floating robot whales while Stockton Rush hosts a DIY submersible channel on YouTube called “How NOT to Sink Your Ship - Tips from the Deep!” This is the new wave, folks! 🌊💸✨ *Stonks!*